We’ve all been there, Gemma! Samantha Brick recalls the fashion disasters she LOVED at the time – The Sun

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FASH IN THE PAN

Samantha Brick discusses the fashion fails which put Gemma’s internet-breaking dress to shame

LAWKS Gemma Collins! What were you thinking?

Whoever said you should wear that dress to the ITV summer party should be thrown into solitary confinement by the fashion police.

 Gemma broke the internet with a shoulder-padded dress she wore to the ITV summer party

Gemma broke the internet with a shoulder-padded dress she wore to the ITV summer party

To be fair to you, you’re no shrinking violet. Play it safe in a Little Black Dress? B-o-r-i-n-g!

That’s why – on paper – the frock doubtless sounded like a fabulous idea: a peachy-coloured, figure-hugging number poured over your gorgeous curves and edged with some banging bling.

The reality though? A Chuck-E-Cheese-coloured, ruched ensemble with chunky chainmail heavy enough to prop up Wembley Stadium. And shoulder pads that have their own postcode.

Gem, you’ve broken the internet – but dry your eyes, babe. Because who HASN’T had a frock of shame?

The problem is us Brits don’t do colour. We slip on a red dress and think we’re Spanish beauty Penelope Cruz… when in reality we look like a sweaty stick of chorizo past its expiration date.

I wag my finger in the direction of summer. When the rays dazzle and the mercury hits 30 degrees, our fashion nous gets frazzled in the heat. And suddenly colours normally restricted to rainbows and sweet shops seem like fair game.

 Samantha's holiday look missed the mark a little, by her own admission

Samantha’s holiday look missed the mark a little, by her own admission

My first fashion disaster was in the early 90s. Picture the scene – it’s the week before my fortnight’s holiday in Turkey.

I’m a mere nineteen years of age. For some reason my mum has let me loose on my own in Miss Selfridge. I was a style nightmare waiting to happen.

Determined to look like the Timotei shampoo model – all white dress and flowing blonde locks – on my first foreign holiday with my boyfriend, I reckoned I could pass for a natural beauty.

Instead, I looked about as natural as a Barbie Doll in a broderie anglaise lace dress that should only be worn by newborns at christenings.

The problem is girlfriends rarely have the guts to tell you the truth.

“They’re jealous!” we squawk if they’re anything less than a thousand per cent loyal to our fashion folly.

You’d have thought I’d have learnt my lesson. But not a bit of it.

Fast forward to my mid-twenties and attending a friend’s wedding in Las Vegas. I decide it’s perfectly legitimate to squeeze my thunder thighs and chunky tum into a too-tight, pencil-thin lime green dress.

 This lime green number has also made it's way into Samantha's hall of fashion shame

This lime green number has also made it’s way into Samantha’s hall of fashion shame

Oh the horror! What’s more I rounded the outfit off with eye-wateringly high, one-size-too-small, fluorescent pink heels.  

I only have to think back to how uncomfortable I was in the desert heat and I break out in an itchy rash.

Ye gods, I looked ridiculous.

 Samantha's later look channelled Hilary Clinton's pant-suit chic - smattered with pink ruffles whenever she had the chance

Samantha’s later look channelled Hilary Clinton’s pant-suit chic – smattered with pink ruffles whenever she had the chance

While my thirties were spent in boring black or cream work trouser suits – think Hillary Clinton chic – I did have the occasional, inexplicable splurge.

Like many women I only had to see something pink and ruffled in a shop window and I’d do a reverse moonwalk and dive in.

 Samantha reckons her old pink tops wouldn't look out of place in an 80s music video

Samantha reckons her old pink tops wouldn’t look out of place in an 80s music video

This can be the only reason why I possessed not one but TWO ridiculous tops that looked like they belonged in an Eighties video. What was I thinking?

Binned – all of them!

 Samantha has now settled on flattering black outfits - and put her fashion nightmares well and truly behind her

Samantha has now settled on flattering black outfits – and put her fashion nightmares well and truly behind her

At the grand old age of forty-six I have now finally called time on experimenting with fashion, this season’s supposed colour and those blink-and-you’ll-miss-them trends that look awks on 99 per cent on the population.

Finally I know what suits me. Just like Nigella Lawson, if I’m going out – I wear a flattering shade of black.



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